So this weekend was FIVE DAYS LONG, but we survived it and are headed into the regular week mostly unscathed. I planned to watch a movie from our large DVD collection each night that Lee was gone, but I never managed to get to it tonight. I ended up watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on some premium channel while I folded what felt like 18 loads of laundry. Harry Potter is like the Foo Fighters of books for me. I adore them, they make me feel many things, and I desperately wish that I could share them more with my kids. But Goblet of Fire is where we've drawn the lines as parents. The death of Cedric Diggory, a peripheral character whose demise signaled the final step into the dark for the series, is not one I am prepared to face with the boys yet. I have told them that when they have read the book, they can watch the movie. Drew is close, but keeps getting sidetracked by all the other books that pass his eye.
I can tell you that the sounds made by Cedric Diggory's father are exactly right near the end of that film. It's never failed to bring me to tears.
While I was doing this, I recorded a video and posted it to youtube. It's a fundraising participation for SavingEliza.com, where you sing 2 lines of a sing and donate and challenge others to do so. The donation goes to a clinical trial for those afflicted with Sanfilippo Syndrome Type A. The trial needs to be fully funded, so Eliza's family has been fundraising like mad for months. They've been featured on the Today Show, virally online - they're everywhere. They're close, too. Eliza's father and I went to high school together, and it's been hard for me to follow this year what with my own troubles, but you just can't hide in your cave forever. So I made the video and sang Tucker's favorite song, "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon. I sang "Before you cross the street, take my hand. Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." which is spectacularly true. I hope you can help out. Somehow, Connor managed to inspire people to donate over $10,000 to the Arc of Northern Virginia. I hope I can inspire half that much, though my expectations are not grandiose.
In any case, I just went to see how many views my video had. (Spoiler alert, as of now, we're standing tall at....NO VIEWS), and there they were. Old videos of Connor playing with toys, standing up at school, and working in a gait trainer. His eyes fully focused, even happy at times. God, I just miss so much of him. One if my many laments is that I lost my baby with my eyes. All my children are adorable - but Connor was the most like my physically. He had the loveliest shade of gray and green mixed together, and naturally, the most luscious eyelashes. Boys. Why do they get the lashes? More to the point, if they don't care so much about lashes (the way that girls do) WHY DO WE BOTHER? But I digress.
Tomorrow is another appointment with a less-regularly seen physician. I'll have to tell him about Connor, and about having cancer for a few weeks. And discuss mammograms.
Tomorrow's going to ROCK. I think I'll plan ahead and watch "Not Another Teen Movie" tomorrow night. I'll need the vapidness and the laughs from that old video. Company is welcome.