Here we are on the other side of a year. As my friend Becky said, "Well, that's done, but it will never be over," and she is exactly right. I am glad it's done, and I know it will never be over, and that's just how my world is. It's up to me to ensure that the never-over part doesn't take over.
Thank you again to everyone who reached out, in myriad ways, to us over the past week, month, and even year. I felt it all.
Now we're out of the "newly-grieved" year, which in some ways felt a little like that first year after marriage, where you are dodging all kind of questions like, "so now that you're married...?" except that we have been dodging sad looks and awkward conversations. The fact is, you still may not know what to say to me, and I still don't know what to say back. Say you are sorry. I will tell you I am too.
On my morning walk with Jack, I realized that I've been in a real, honest to God quagmire about work. It's been quiet work-wise for a while and I'm starting to lose faith. While walking in the clear sunshine this morning, I had a little bit of an epiphany. I really, really love being a Realtor. I love helping people, and I love homes, and I truly believe that this is a good match for me. But I'm so mired down in sadness I struggle on a daily basis to get moving, get motivated, and get things done.
How do I drain the swamp so I can move again?
Really, how? I'm not sure as I'm as new to this as anyone would be. I'm going to try. The first part will be simple. Set some goals for each day and don't stop until they are accomplished. Personal goals and professional goals. Stepping stones to the bigger goals. Get up. Get dressed. Clean up after breakfast. Have a dinner plan. Make sure you respond to clients. Make sure you talk to at least 4 people each day to see if they need any real estate help. Make sure you get professional reading finished.
The hardest goal is this: get up. I have been a night owl since basically the beginning of time. Now, it's hard to go to sleep until after midnight and the mornings are still coming at me, requiring me to be pleasant and functional and motivated. With little sleep, none of those are likely. Mostly I manage functional right now.
I'm also going to add in one more. Write a paragraph a day. I woke up on January 31 with a sentence in my head that seemed like the start of something bigger.