Today I felt better again. Better inasmuch as not like I'd been run over, and could actually sustain a thought process over more than 2 minutes. Huge improvement. I actually took Jack on a walk this morning, and that's when I had this kernel get planted in my brain. It's germination period, as it happens, was surprisingly fast. Here goes...
Dear Males In My House,
I am so lucky that each of you is here with me. Because of you, I have a happy life of which I am very proud (Mom, I rewrote that to remove a dangling preposition. You are welcome). I've been thinking about how I've been acting in my own home, my favorite place in the whole world, and I'm not very happy with that I'm recalling. So I'm making you a promise now to stop.
I've been complaining. A lot, right? It is exhausting to clean up after you when you don't care to clean up after yourself. It does make me feel like I am failing at parenting when you don't know how to do these things. I don't expect you to WANT to. I didn't want to when I was your age. I don't want to now. I just know that it has to be done. So I do it.
Lee, you take care of so many things even though you don't recognize it. You set up coffee so it's ready in the morning, a necessary part of me being able to function. You work really hard every day so that we can live here, on Pocomoke, where we LOVE, and even when things are hard you get up and go back in. You make time for yourself in the shop or on the bike (or both) because you know that your brain needs that so you can be present with us when you are here. Then when you are present, you find what the boys like, or need, and you make it happen.
Drew, you are just beginning to really learn where your wings are, and it's really exciting to see them start to stretch! I love watching you learn to show who you are with confidence to the world as you move from elementary school to middle school, and then beyond. You've really started pitching in around the house. It's noticed, and it's so deeply appreciated. I am enjoying teaching you basic things like how to do laundry (from into the machine, through folding and back into the drawers...except for sheets. No one can fold them.) and your cooking skills and interest make me believe that when you leave home, you will not be ordering in constantly or eating only boxed macaroni and "cheese". I hope.
Tucker, you sometimes seem like a knotty shoelace that does not want to untie, but once you get past that first snarl, your good humor shines through. You love a good joke, and you want to share it with everyone you see. You decided late last year to be a part of your community in such a large way, fundraising for families...kids!!!...less fortunate than you, and it makes me so proud that you see these problems and instead of laying blame at anyone, you simply pushed up your sleeves and said, "I want to help." and you did. You are an inspiration to me.
So, despite the fact that I haven't been active in the Catholic Church in many years, I am making a Lenten sacrifice, and I hope it's one that makes me better, and makes you better. Many years ago, I realized as I drove your brother back and forth to day care on my way to work that I was yelling TERRIBLE things in the car at the other drivers while he listened. For Lent that year, I gave up road rage. It was hard, and I didn't always succeed, but I'm far more controlled in the car than I used to be. I hope that my giving up complaining has a similar effect on how I speak, and maybe, a little can rub off on others around me.
I love you guys, all of you.
Mom
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