We have found out how to handle success with Connor. We change directions completely. After years of battling his lack of weight, we've had to move away from overloading his food with calorie additives. His regular doctor's appointment was yesterday, and he has gained another 4 pounds, and developed a fat pad (medical term!!) in his abdomen!
Our doctor asked, "How is he?"
"He's fat. FAT. We have to fix this," I replied, and pulled up his shirt to show the gut spilling over his waistband. It was nice, for once, to worry that he was too fat instead of too skinny. Very new for me. We've decided to back down on the additives because we don't want him getting too heavy for his physical therapy and his mother to maneuver him around. So now he's not exactly on a diet, but a close approximation.
Unfortunately, I also had this experience at the office: as I pushed his stroller back through to the pre-exam room, a nurse said, "Oh, I wish I could be pushed around in a stroller and sleep all day!" I don't doubt for a second she was trying to be nice. Unfortunately, it was a complete fail. My upbringing kept me from spitting back, "Well, I wish my son could walk." Instead, I made a non-commital noise, and got him safely weighed and measured by his nurse, who knows well enough not to say stupid, thoughtless things to parents of special needs children. I did start the appointment with the doctor telling him about the interaction, because I felt he should know. I mean, what if they started losing patients because they employ a nurse who doesn't know "acceptable" from "offensive"? I apologized for being the bearer of bad news, but told him I felt it was important to provide the information and feedback. Then I cut the tension by telling him that it was awkward because Connor wanted to get up and defend my honor, but he couldn't. I got a smile for that.
I hope our doctor knows how much we trust him and rely on him. He has been through thick and thin with us (now literally!) and we are so grateful for all the advice, care and advocacy he has provided for Connor. I know he would do the same for our other boys, but I am relieved that they do not need extra advocates at this time.