Birthday 2013

As many of you noticed on my last posting, we struggle each year at gift giving time to come up with ideas for Connor.  Since he does not excel at expressing himself, it's hard to determine what he will enjoy and what he won't.  And the many activities that are adapted for those with disabilities are usually not adapted *enough*.

But no more moping!  Instead, here are my thoughts about the birth of my first son, and pictures of him on or near his birthday through the years.

Connor, on the day you were born, I spent a long part of the day lying down.  Normally, that is fantastic, but this time, it was because I could not get up!  I had to have drugs that numbed my lower body so I could continue working towards giving birth to you without becoming exhausted.  Since you started to come at 4:45 am and you finally CAME at 7:57 pm, that made for a very long day.  I was not allowed to hold you for almost an hour after you were born.  You were held by the nurses, and your father, and your grandparents, but not by me.  I was too busy demanding to hold you and wolfing down food.  And then they handed you to me and I became a better person...just like that.  All the anger and rage I had carried around in my life which wasn't really that bad to begin with just went away.  I had you, and you were there with me, and you were so perfect, and despite knowing that I had spent the previous 39 weeks building you in my body, it only just occurred to me once you were in my arms that I had built you and that you were miraculous.

It is good that you helped me let go of anger and rage.  I do not know if we all could have survived your infancy if I had not.  Your first gift set a basis for me that made me be a better mom to you than I could have thought would be needed.

First birthday

 Two...

Three...

Four...

Five...

Six...

Seven...

Eight...

The night before you turned nine, your brothers made you gifts and wanted to take pictures with you.  For all the things you cannot do in this world, you have made compassion and strength a daily life component for Drew and Tucker, and they love you without question. 

 

Happy birthday, my special boy.  I love you with my whole heart.